Dieciocho segundos de vídeo…

… bastan para demostrar que las vías segregadas en Holanda fueron creadas estrictamente con el objetivo de apartar las bicis del tráfico motorizado que estaba llegando y que representaba la imagen del “progreso”.

En este idílico video, mostrando la cultura ciclista de Holanda en los años 50, entre el segundo 13 y el segundo 18 aparece una carretera vacía, con visibilidad y condiciones perfectas, y un cartel:


Ciclistas deben usar el carril-bici.

Más claro, agua.

Y, mientras filmaban este maravilloso vídeo, el uso de la bici en Holanda estaba en caida libre mientras se estaban construyendo a destajo la parte principal de la infame red de vías segregadas ciclistas holandesas.

Txarli

CiudadCiclista | Lista de correo | Wiki CC

Pero vaya: eso no va a impedir a los carril-zombies continuar difundiendo las chorradas habituales relativas a que las vías segregadas se hicieron para nuestra seguridad y aumentan el número de ciclistas.

Cycling the Dutch way.

A friend of our new friend, Mr Amsterdamize, was in Amsterdam a while ago and drew a comic (apparently that is what he does) about his experience: Un amigo de nuestro nuevo amigo, Mr Amsterdamize, estuvo en Amsterdam hace algún tiempo y dibujó un cómic sobre su experiencia (hay gente que hace esas cosas):

[amsterdamizing tourists]

Ha ha ha ha! How funny! my ribs are bursting with laughter! aren’t these guys witty?

So now we know: the celebrated “dutch way of cycling” is fucking pedestrians in their own space, taking advantage of the sheer number of bikes, while the cars move happily undisturbed on the roadway.

And if you are new to Amsterdam and are pissed off by the flock of idiots on bikes swarming around you from all sides, you know what you have to do: get a bike yourself and join the assholes! start having fun abusing your ex-fellow pedestrians! Don’t touch the roadway with your bike if there is a bike lane, though! in the Netherlands that is illegal!

It gives a completely new meaning to the verb “amsterdamize“, uh? As in “Tom went to the Netherlands and got amsterdamized by a cyclist. He spent the first day in hospital”.

Yes, that must be what some idiots call “the healthy Dutch cycling culture“. That same “culture” that our bikelanists want to emulate.

So, let’s do something funny: let’s improve the comic! I’ve added a question for that idiot… what do you think would be his answer? It is not only them who are allowed to have fun, is it?

Ja ja ja ja! Ay, que risa! me duelen las costillas de tanto reirme. Hay que ver que ocurrentes son estos chicos, eh?

Así que ahora lo sabemos: el tan celebrado “uso de la bicicleta holandés” consiste en dar por culo a los peatones en su propio espacio, aprovechándose del puro número de bicis, mientras los coches circulan felizmente y sin ser molestados por la calzada.

Y si usted es nuevo en Amsterdam y está encabronado con los rebaños de idiotas en bici que le pasan rozando por todos lados, ya sabe lo que tiene que hacer: ¡consiga una bici y únase a los jilipollas! ¡empiece a divertirse abusando de sus ex-compañeros peatones! Pero tenga cuidado de no tocar la calzada con la bici si hay un carril-bici cerca: ¡en Holanda eso es ilegal!

Le da un significado completamente nuevo al verbo amsterdamizar“, ¿eh? Como en “Pepe fue a Holanda y un ciclista le amsterdamizó. Pasó su primer dia en el hospital”.

Pues sí, eso debe ser lo que algunos idiotas consideran “la envidiable cultura ciclista holandesa“. Esa misma “cultura” que nuestro carrilbicistass celtibéricos piensan que deberíamos emular.

Bueno, vamos a hacer nosotros también algo divertido: ¡vamos a mejorar el comic! He añadido una pregunta para ese idiota… ¿Cual crees que podría ser su respuesta? No vamos a dejar que sean ellos los únicos que se diviertan, ¿no?

[amsterdamizing tourists]

WRITE AN ANWER FOR THE LAST (BLANK) BUBBLE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION! ¡ESCRIBE EN LOS COMENTARIOS UNA RESPUESTA PARA LA ÚLTIMA VIÑETA!

Txarli

CiudadCiclista | Lista de correo | Wiki CC

Más comics sobre carrilbicistas aquí y aquí.
Escrito en amsterdam. Etiquetas: , . 6 Comentarios »

Dribble versus facts.

El menda en el blog Amsterdamize me menciona indirectamente en un post en el que los niveles de pomposo cretinismo pasan de lejos la línea roja. Un chaval británico incluye un comentario conciliador en el que dice algunas cosas interesantes. Reproduzco aquí mi respuesta, por si él quiere continuar la discusión aquí, porque no creo que me apetezca continuarla allí, suponiendo que Mr Amsterdamize no me bloquee de los comentarios, como ha hecho con Demimismo: The guy at the Amsterdamize blog mentions me in passing in a post in which the levels of self-important idiocy go well into the red levels. A british chap posted a conciliatory comment with some interesting points. I reproduce here my answer, just in case he wants to follow up the discussion here, as I am not very likely to go on with it there, even if the Amsterdamize guy doesn’t ban me from his blog, as he did with Demimismo:

“I (…) have come to the conclusion that it will take a few generations yet.”

You mean, well after the oil has finally ran out, you’ll have your share of segregated structures? come on.

“Come on guys, you are on the same side – kiss and make up. Both arguments are correct, you are disagreeing about different things.”

Sorry: no. Not on the same side by a long stretch. I once thought that, but I am older and wiser now.

“to say that CTC are anti cycle path is wrong.”

Ah, ok. so the CTC is wrong, then? :-D I was hoping so much from them…

“If Britain built cycle paths like the Dutch then we would welcome them with open arms. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen here. I am an engineer,”

You are an engineer?!!! Then you should bloody be well aware that it is plainly impossible to create any significant amount of segregated structures “dutch style” of any quality and real use value without massive expenditures, enormous damage to the cities and dubious results. Putting it in short: it is impossible, period. If you are not aware of that you are not applying properly your engineering training to the issue.

“and there are a few of us who design good quality cycle infrastructure that is as quick and safe to use as the road,”

Do we have to take your word for it or can we have links to pics of them, please, with tags to google maps? I am sure I’d find interesting things in them to comment in my blog:

http://bicilibre.wordpress.com

“it is a travesty to describe British converted pavements as “cycle paths”. Most are worse than having nothing at all.”

Oh, yeah? and what, in your qualified engineer’s opinion, is the reason for that? Are all british engineers, your colleagues, a bunch of incompetent and clueless morons? do they design awful “cycle paths” because they hate cyclists? are they just malevolent in general? What do you think is the reason for this systematic bad design and construction? I mean: there _must_ be a reason, right?

“Where there is a pressing need for a segregated cycling facility it is invariably refused”

And what are precisely, in your view, the criteria that define that “pressing need”, I beg you? I presume that you, being an engineer, have a clear definition of where and where not a segregated structure is needed?

“We aren’t anti-segregation, but we need to put a stop to these awful, damaging facilities and to start tackling the root problems (uncontrolled motor traffic growth).”

Oh. Something we can agree on… But tell me: do you think the segregated “facilities” would be needed at all if the root problem (as you name it) were really tackled? Doesn’t it occur to you that the construction of these segregated “facilities” (both the “good” and the bad ones) is in fact a stratagem to make it look like we are progressing without actually progressing at all?

“We Brits would not dream of telling the Dutch how to provide for cycling”

I, for one, would be happy if the Dutch just stopped being patronizing with the rest of us about the “Dutch cycling” and “Dutch structures”, telling everybody about “amsterdamizing” our cities and such bullshit. The “Dutch model” is polluting the policies in the rest of Europe as you yourself have shown so eloquently and as we are seeing in the bike lane horrors springing up all over Spain. It is high time we put a cycling sanitary belt arond the Netherlands, tell them to get their segregated cycling structures in the list of UNESCO World Heritage Sites as a vestige of a dissapearing civilization, and start looking for somewhere else for ideas to promote cycling in _this_ century.

The “Dutch model” is a dead end. It is time to go back to reality.

P.S. I will post this comment in my own blog. If you want to discuss further, please do it here. I may choose not to answer (or be banned from doing it) here.

Txarli

CiudadCiclista | Lista de correo | Wiki CC

A photo of a well protected cyclist in my old blog here.
Escrito en amsterdam. Etiquetas: , . Deja un Comentario »

En Holanda quitan los carriles-bici de las calles…

… pero la gente los sigue teniendo en la cabeza. A continuación un espantoso vídeo de una rotonda simplificada por Monderman, con el concepto de “shared space“, en la que sin embargo un ciclista, que claramente no ha entendido nada, entra en conflicto dos veces seguidas con el mismo automóvil: una cediéndole el paso cuando no tenía ninguna necesidad de hacerlo, y la otra cortando por delante de él mientras circula manteniéndose en su carril-bici mental.

Este es el resultado de 70 años de carriles-bici en la maravillosa Holanda: una generación de ciclistas que aparentemente son incapaces de circular con la mínima dignidad y naturalidad por ni siquiera la más sencilla de las rotondas.

Un ejemplo a seguir, ¿eh?

Txarli

CiudadCiclista | Lista de correo | Wiki CC

Una breve introducción histórica a los carriles-bici holandeses aquí.